Three and One

I learned a new way to induce my own agony! Yippee more aches for me! A friend who I thought was out of shape talked me into running with him and I realized a couple of things. 1. Other peoples’ “Out of Shape” is several levels above what I am currently performing at. 2. Friends shouldn’t let friends Run; it has great risk of that friend associating all the discomfort of the run with said friend who had the idea in the first place. So here I was running on this Monday morning in the beautiful woods learning how to run for 3 minutes and walk for 1 minute. Damn 3 minutes never seemed so long before. This 3 and 1 method is new to me and so as we did the third set I thought “I hope a bear or a wolf jumps out from behind a tree and rips into my leg so I can stop for awhile. Alas! This is Whidbey Island and the best I can hope for is a Rabid Northwest Mountain Squirrel. Then we get to rest again and I start to breathe normally just in time to run again. Joy Joy on the 4th set I ask myself “why is he not as tired as I am? He said he hasn’t run in a year? LIAR! He must be lying because I feel much more tired than he looks. I now hope a bear or wolf jumps out of the trees and mauls HIM. Set 5 Damn I am really out of shape or he is some freak of nature than can just magically run all day like Peter Pan can fly. I think it is more likely that I am really out of shape. Ah bliss as we end that 3 minutes of hell and begin to walk another minute. DD tells me it should get easier as we go and I BELIEVE him. Why? Because this is the 6th set and I NEED to believe it gets easier. I am in my own miserable world of hell. As we begin I try try try real hard to believe that lie (that it gets easier) but it is not working! Damn Damn Damn I hate this man in front of me if I could catch him I would choke him to death. Then he tells me there is a little hill up ahead. I can’t say the 4 letter word I was thinking as I nod at him and grunt something unintelligible (I am not sure who is drooling more me or Buttercup the dog with us). As we begin the hill I know it is not much but for me every step is more burning and tiring and I just want to fall over into the brush and let the squirrels feast on my bloated out of shape couch potato carcass. I keep climbing the hill sure that I am now drooling more than Buttercup and each foot step is about 3 inches from the last. Sometimes life is full of little defeats and this hill at this time I admit my defeat, I have to stop and walk before the top. Severely wheezing I meet my torturer at the top of the hill and he says the rest is downhill from here. I like the first word part of that, the down part; because that is all I want to do, fall down. Sit down. Alas! No such luck we continue on and DD talks about pace and I think I know my pace it is “the first part of the zero to 60”

Oh Yeah running in the woods is SO MUCH EASIER. LIARS! Running in the woods is still running!