Day 88 Gout Sucks

What is it?
Gout most often results when needle-like crystals of uric acid form in the body’s connective tissue or lodge themselves in the space between two bones (i.e., in the joints).These uric acid crystals inflame the surrounding area and lead to inflammatory arthritis. This inflammatory arthritis is responsible for heat, pain, redness, stiffness, and swelling commonly associated with attacks of gout.

What it feels like: Remember Sam Kinison when he would yell Oh Oh OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH. That is sort of what it feels like. Or try this buy a couple packs of needles from the sewing store, say 25 to 30 of them. Lay them on a fire until they get sort of red and glowy. Now drive them all through your big toe joint or into your ankle or Knee. What is important is that you get them good and deep in there so the hurts really comes from the inside. The outside skin pain is not really getting to how it feels, you need the pain to come from the bone level outwards so no matter what you do to the outside (i.e. Ice it , Elevate it, Heat it) there is no relief. Now after you have those in there take a hammer and whack the joint 10 or 12 times so it swells up sort of good. Every 5 to 15 minutes poor boiling water over the top for about 3 days occasionally slip it into a vice and press it tight and then press it two more time around. Then drink copious (FREAKIN Huge) amounts of Black Cherry juice in order to naturally fight this pain; only to end up giving yourself a case of the “Good and Plenty’s” so bad when you do manage to hop to the bathroom every 14 minutes the 7th planet from the sun is spewing pepper spray like a fire hose.

Oh yeah don’t expect any sympathy from the S.W.I.M’s because they stick together in their denial of empathy. If they even smell a whiff of a Man seeking empathy they crush that instantly. (They don’t want it to spread and raise expectations) I know because I tried and I was shot down, laughed at and then picked up shaken around like a rag doll and then tossed down again. My lovely wife whom I love very much looks at me with the “Oh brother” look when I am still in bed Tuesday morning. Sort of as if to say “are you really going to be in the way whining and needing things all day? Well don’t expect me to help because I already have two kids and I am not taking on a third!” On the 2nd day of my suffering Amanda (as she plans her escape) is laughing her head off when she is talking to Sarah on the phone and then later mentions how they were laughing at me. Sarah and Kathy didn’t want to come over to our house for a play date because they didn’t want to hear me complaining. No sympathy there was what I have come to expect. Chance presented me another opportunity when Lisa called and I answered the phone, I even tried telling her about it. SAME response. Like they practice it. She reply’s with “All you men are weak and needy” where is your wife? You would have to have both legs cut off AND be bleeding out in front of them to get any sympathy. Of course you would only get that sympathy after they made damn sure you cleaned up all the messy blood on the floor. Then after the 3 minute limit you would see that sympathy dry up. “DING DONG” she would say as she smiled and walked away.

After having it the last several days I can tell you it is LAME. LAME LAME LAME. Lame rhymes with Pain! No it Doesn’t! Yes it does ! No it doesn’t ! Yes it does AHHHHHH! It Hurts and it makes it hard to train. Train rhymes with PAIN !

I have my first race on Sunday and I have not been able to run or swim for the last week. But at this point I only hope to be gout free on race day that would feel like heaven now that I have this perspective.

I am really hoping the excitement of the day will help boost my energy and I also hope the entire race is downhill. He he he Any chance of that ? If I designed the course it would be like that. Of course my idea of a long distance race is the 50 yard dash.

If my foot plays nice and I feel able to I plan on my last practice run this Thursday night.

I really need to get some instruction with the swimming because I am afraid I Am just developing bad skills and bad muscle memory that I will just have to undo later. I enjoy the swim workouts so far but that is also without any real instruction or any real goals other than stop trying to breath underwater.

I am going to begin riding the stationary bike once a week after the 5K. I think I will have a couple months of just riding it once a week to start to inform those muscles that I will be using them this year. I think I will plug in my Ipod and spin, spin, spin for 45 minutes a week. I could do that on Mondays.

Getting older sucks and so do some things passed along by genetics. All the research reading I have done on Gout mentions 1. Don’t drink and 2. exercise often and stay away from purine foods like shell fish and meat blah blah blah. I want to scream at them. I AM doing those things why the hell did I get it. I am taking care of myself more then I ever have before God Bless IT Then I read on another site that it is a common symptom of people with hypothyroidism which lucky me has. Makes sense.

As my wonderful 3 year old would say :

“Here me AM”

“Me lucky” 